I must confess…
Letting go has never been easy for me. I hold too tightly, keep myself from change.
But in knitting…
If you hold too tightly, if you don’t let go, then you will never make a stitch. You can’t make any kind of progress at all.
It’s a simple enough concept, but I keep coming back to it. When I started knitting, my kids were sick with the flu. My son got it first. He was so sick. Sick with a high fever every night until Advil calmed it down.
Holding tight to our babies-that’s what mamas do best. I’m not suggesting letting go in any sense.
But for me, I had to let go of the fear. The worry of, “Will he be ok??”. I wasn’t in charge of his healing. I had to trust that my prayers of petition to God and my limited ministrations would get him through.
And he did. He got over the flu. In spite of my fears and the paranoia fed by constant news updates telling me how horrible the flu is for children. (Thanks NBC.)
But back to knitting. I know I’ve been talking about knitting a lot. And that’s just because I’ve been doing a lot of it.
On vacation I knit square after square. It’s so grounding and therapeutic and easy to do while riding in the car, visiting with family. As a person who fidgets, knitting is bomb.
When I began learning how to knit, my work was a tangled mess. My stitches were loopy. I couldn’t figure out the direction of the needles. I would get nervous once I had formed thread on the needles, dreading letting go. Dreading the wrong stitch.
Isn’t that just how life is? We don’t want to mess up. So we hold on to things. We hold on and hold on, telling ourselves,”I can’t do that. I don’t want to fail. I don’t have what it takes”.
But that’s wrong. I’m in the wrong for thinking that. I can’t is powerfully debilitating.
It can cripple your life.
Your desire to grow.
To be a stronger & better version of you.
I’m not saying that who you are is not good enough. No, never.
What I mean is that you will fulfill whatever prophecy you proclaim for your life.
If it is “I can’t do that“, then you won’t.
If it is “I’m afraid to try“, then it will keep you from new experiences.
I say these things from experience. I say them because I’ve believed “I can’t” about things for far too long. Because I’ve allowed fear instead of a desire to be vulnerable and different and broken to pervade my life. To control me.
I’ve feared letting go.
And I can fear it no more.
It’s time for change.
Bring on spring.
This poem is my own.